Happy new year everyone.

Hope it'll be a better year with a better everything.

I'm feeling much more better now,Thank alot to those people whose tag me and cheer me up, Really, Thank alot. Many people told me that i've changed, Yes, maybe, that temper of mine. During monday, The day after all those crying and pain,It still hurt, i swear. My eye was so sore so i went to sleep till night then i went out, on the way i was listening to my blogsong and other more songs,I just starting crying, On the road, on the street with strangers seeing with this look O.O and my eye goes abit sore. We went to look for E For Elfin, after that they accompany me and bi to have our noodles, half way eating, Elfin went off saying that she's tired, the time's around 2 am thatime and the rest went off, left me and bi and renhong, renhong went off around 3 or 4am, Luckily, Bi friend came but i didn't talk much too.They're such an joker, Went home around 7am. Once again,Thank for cheering me up people. I'm really surpised that there'll be people cheering me up, Really.

Those words,Those regret.

I thought that i'll be strong, I thought that i won't cry again, I thought that everything will be fine again, i don't wanna reader alway see sad post at my blog.Sometime, i hate my mum for that, Why do she give birth to me? why do she give birth me being like this? Yes, i'm pushing all the blame to her, actually, it's my fault. My fault of not treasuring, treating people for granted,showing temper when they did nothing or i can say that i derserve it. who ask for being such an fucktard, whom is so selfish. Care about myself only and finally ... i know what's true friend now .. "Someone who will be with you when you're in trouble, not someone who asking you takecare and went off." Finally, i understand what this mean already. Not only i treated my friend bad but family too, Grandma alway called and wanted to chat but i alway using excuse saying " I'm busy or I wanna sleep." or sometime i shout at her when i'm in bad mood, I'll regret it, Yes now, i regret it, as they doesn't wanna talk to me anymore, she still call up but everytime it was asking about sister, Another one is mum, Lastime she'll buy things that i wanted, she care about me, she would call up and asking me where are me but now she doesn't call up asking me to go home early, where are me. I though like this it'll be better but it's totally NO. Now all she will do all that to sister only because sister will still respect them, care about them. I say this to her " When you're old, i won't bring you to old folk home but rubbish bin." I think this word really hurts? I alway say that i'm unluckily to have them as my parent, but it's them the one who is unluckily to have me as their daughter and the last last last very important one's daddy, I alway though that his heart only got sister but no me, i'm nothing to him, i mean nothing to him, when i'm in bad mood i scream at him, when he don't wanna give me money for outing, i kick him and throw phone at him, throw thing at him, When he asking me things, i'll ask him to fuck off and i alway scold him infont of his friend or even my friend, When i'm hungry, i'll call him to buy food for me, if he say he's busy, i'll scream and spam him, Keep on calling, when he switch off his phone and i throw the house phone, throw thing at home and make it spoilt and he need to waste money to buy news one. shame on me.

I'm such an failure, i'm an useless daughter, i'm not a good daughter.

I'm not a good friend, i'm not a good sister, i'm not a good grand daughter and i'm not a good girlfriend.